Thursday, February 28, 2008

Another two GREAT videos

I am the great destroyer

Today was a good day.
Min Jin Lee's reading was lovely, beautiful, touching.
Actual tears came to my eyes when she said she was never lonely as a kid because she found such solace in books.
And the other statement, which I think will take a while to adopt, but was fantastic and so true, is that when you write, you have to stop writing for a judge and write for a reader.

I'm realizing more and more that I need to do things for me. Things I care about because they are what I want. I've spent so long thinking I'm an egoist and a hedonist and I'm not afraid to hurt people....but that wasn't true! I was only always hurting myself and never doing what I WANT. That's done. I'm not turning the hurt in on myself anymore. If I don't want to hang out with someone I DON'T HAVE TO!! I don't have to be nice to someone and placate them if it makes me hate my life. It is so freeing to rid yourself of company that irritates you and NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.

Also, ordered Thomas Crown Affair and The Darjeeling Limited with a teensy part of my giftcard.
I reconciled with someone today that I thought was permanently "gone". I'm pleased.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Thursday, February 14, 2008

I was cold, and they all told you not to try...

Last night I had to see a movie for class called "Unrepentant" was basically about how the church will do anything to cover up all the screwed up stuff it did to Native Americans in the Residential Schools. I learned that if you want to kill people and get away with it, all you have to do is become a teacher in the religious system. I always knew it! The movie reminded me a little bit of the movie "Sleepers", which was filmed at Fairfield Hills. The guards are total Sadists and abuse the kids. I swear, most people who WANT to teach little kids are sadists on some level....
Maybe I SHOULD become a teacher! Just kidding.....I'd rather shoot myself (no offense to the GOOD teachers I did have).
I'm so tired lately...I wake up every night for at least an hour of misery and then all I want to do is sleep all day long. Anyway, tonight I'm having girls night with debate ladies and then tomorrow I finally see Liam again.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Big Ears!!

What a pretty kitty. Also, I want to say that I have the best parents ever. I love them so much!

Sunday, February 10, 2008


The Sound of Silence

Well, the suite has been pretty quiet (at least comparatively) this weekend. Emily is off to Kenya and Alex is at the Spice Girls concert in NYC. Lucky bitch....I'm hella jealous!
The weather today was so absurdly awful I can't even explain it. I was watching Planet Earth and it was talking about the intolerable conditions on the tundra, and the view outside my window looked just like my TV screen-- but worse! And for the 10 minutes I spent outside, I'm pretty sure I froze to death. This is the ghost of me typing, because the wind KILLED ME. It's NEGATIVE 10 out there people!!

I've been watching The O.C. and loving it. What a great show--so awful, so wonderful. "Pretty people, pretty messed up" (my life).

The boys are brewing thier own beer in the common room. I'm pretty psyched to try it out (if it actually works).

Ugh. This weather is exhausting, and I'm just generally tired. As usual, people think I'm wayyyy more social than I really am. Lovely.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

They Said That Hell's Not Hot...

I've made three discoveries of excellent-ness. Actually, maybe four.
First, MultiGrain Cheerios are the best cereal ever created by mankind. Seriously-- if you're craving candy, just funnel some Cheerios. They're "lightly sweetened"...probably in order to make America feel okay about actually eating whole grain. But another reason why they're great is that on specially marked boxes there's a code printed inside...and all you have to do is go to the cheerios website and enter the code, and they donate a dollar to women's heart disease screening. That's pretty good.

Next, Let's talk about how Annie is a fantastically cast film. Really! We all loved it as kids, but now, as an "adult" I see how truly great it is! Bernadette Peters, Tim Curry (the sweetest transvestite), Carol Burnett and Ann Rienking! Plus, Edward Hermann, the grandfather in Gilmore Girls makes an appearance as F.D.R. That's just amazing. Love it. Plus, choreographing all those children really impresses me.

New drink to try, people..... Pear Absolut and diet Sprite. Put one shot in a martini glass and fill it to the top with the Sprite. I normally hate pears, but this is a light and delicious concoction. Try it out.

LASTLY, Nintendo Wii is great, addictive, and the most exercise I will ever get. I actually break a sweat playing boxing. Plus it gets my anger out in an active way instead of playing Halo and shooting aliens while sitting still. Much more satisfying.

Friday, February 8, 2008

I am the voice inside your head, and I control you....

Alright, this is part one of many to come....let's get those brains working!!

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to teach him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

Friedrich Nietzsche, The Dawn, Sec. 297

Not everyone wants to be happy. Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing.

Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want to escape from these things.
-T. S. Eliot

Hatred, the mischievous delight in the misfortune of others, the lust to rob and dominate, and whatever else is called evil belongs to the most amazing economy of the preservation of the species.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Eyes Wide Shut

Finally saw Eyes Wide Shut by Stanley Kubrick. It's extremely trippy and hypnotic, which I suppose is the goal of the movie, which is supposed to be dreamlike. Nicole Kidman is so beautiful! But she is terrible at acting drunk and truly terrible.
The entire film reminds me alot of The Magus by John Fowles, which is actually why I stumbled across it in the first place. It was recommended via a site about The Magus and all of its complexities.

Tonight there's a showing of West Side Story, which should be good. AND, we get to go to dinner at Nola's with Emily's parents. Yumm!

Also, I've decided people are, I'm okay with personal insanity, but when your insanity spreads to your interactions with just suck.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Snarky vs. Sassy

Well, apparently I'm both....but my snarky side is preferred. I also like the term sardonic. Anyway, along those lines, there are two websites I'd like to recommend:

Witty E-Cards

Words are the Most Powerful Drugs Used by Mankind

I don't have class until 2:30, which equals a fantastically lazy morning for MOI. I went to breakfast with Alex and Emily, and stole a bunch of paper cups...I'm soooo diabolical. I just made some turkey bacon, so the whole suite smells yummy (at least to me).

This weekend debate society goes to Brandeis....not me though....Emily leaves for Kenya on Sunday so we are having girl time until then I guess.
Chris wants me to play Halo with him, but I'm not in the mood to kill kill kill, which of course is shocking and disappointing to him. hehe.

My new medication causes me to NOT sleep at's one of the side effects...I literally woke up a thousand times last night and ate half a box of MultiGrain Cheerios which are, by the way, effing amazing. I also watched Pretty Persuasion which I got from Amazon for 5 bucks (including shipping).

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Suicide's Room

This poem, by one of my dad's favorite poets, Wisława Szymborska, touches me and helps me cope with Ian's death. It sums up, to some degree, the confusion that I feel. Plus, since I saw his room and where he died, it feels really personal. There are other poems by Szymborska that are also amazing, including the one about a cat which makes me cry.

I'll bet you think the room was empty.
Wrong. There were three chairs with sturdy backs.
A lamp, good for fighting the dark.
A desk, and on the desk a wallet, some newspapers.
A carefree Buddha and a worried Christ.
Seven lucky elephants, a notebook in a drawer.
You think our addresses weren't in it?

No books, no pictures, no records, you guess?
Wrong. A comforting trumpet poised in black hands.
Saskia and her cordial little flower.
Joy the spark of gods.
Odysseus stretched on the shelf in life-giving sleep
after the labors of Book Five.
The moralists with the golden syllables of their names
inscribed on finely tanned spines.
Next to them, the politicians braced their backs.

No way out? But what about the door?
No prospects? The window had other views.
His glasses lay on the windowsill.
And one fly buzzed---that is, was still alive.

You think at least the note could tell us something.
But what if I say there was no note---
and he had so many friends, but all of us fit neatly
inside the empty envelope propped up against a cup.

Spoiled, Naughty, and Moderately Offensive (welcome to MY world)

From The MOMA

I can relate to this feeling, can't you?

Oh come on, you know you think it's funny......

“First of all, whenever I hear anything described as a heartless assault on our children, I tend to think it’s a good idea. I’m happy that the president’s willing to do something bad for the kids.”
-William Kristol, the editor of The Weekly Standard

At The Still Point of The Turning World

Well, I'm watching SPICE WORLD, which is a great movie when one considers how much nostalgia it evokes in my generation. Even guys have a certain fondness for them. But what's really interesting is how "fat" aka healthy they all look! The anorexia look is such a new phenomenon!

It's raining out hardcore right now, and it's so foggy that even WALKING is treacherous, much like driving on a foggy highway. I don't have class until 2:30 tomorrow, which is pretty fantastic because it means I can TRULY sleep in without worrying about waking up in time (because there's no way I could sleep too late).

The following quote is a good one, IMO.

I have just now come from a party where I was its life and soul; witticisms streamed from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me, but I went away and wanted to shoot myself.
-Soren Kierkegaard
(and now I have to add the disclaimer: he DIDN'T shoot himself, so don't you DARE go getting all worried) God how I hate disclaimers.


Freshman year we had to write a sonnet.....

My love is as a fever, longing still.
So many ways to pass the time of day-
if only something could further my will
to forget the one who just couldn't stay.
It did once seem our love would always last.
But can that actually be for real?
It seems now love explored is never fast.
A heart's more fun as a thing you must steal.
If only something could soothe my wrack'd mind.
Is this love something my soul can wait for?
Oceans lie between us, the clocks unwind.
Hopefully we can hang on a while more.
Honestly nothing can tell except time.
I hope my actions wont carry a fine.

Food for Thought

Rain brings back the pain of past breaks; the aged feel the ache in thier bones
Something about the grey sky makes my brain swell and press against my temples, the windows keep me safe and make reality into a painting.
The leaves remind me that life is there, buried in the dead sky. Even death is life and the rotting leaves make steam rise from the ground.

The cold stone columns rise above our heads and frame the sky.
From the damp ground I breathe in to catch the smell of earth-- the only smell that blends life and death.