With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. -Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

Sometimes it's just hard to be totally positive and see the silver lining in everything. Sometimes you just feel beat down, and anxious, and confused. There are so many choices to be made, and so many people to consider. One image that has always hit home for me was the fig tree described by Sylvia Plath. Here's the short of it..click here for the whole passage:

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked.  I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

I really can't think of a more accurate way to put the sensation of choosing a life path. Impressive. Unfortunately, she doesn't offer any advice on how to conquer the paralysis. Of course, we just have to take it day by day - a near impossible task. I can live like that for a few days at a time, but then the figs start winking at me again and I lose my zen attitude. I don't believe in a higher power, so I can't rely on that...I have to say I agree with the quip in Woody Allen's Match Point, "Faith is the path of least resistance."

More than anything, I like to collect quotes that remind me why life is beautiful and that it really isn't that hard. Max Ehrmann's Desiderata does a fabulous job of quieting the nervous buzz that sometimes overtakes my mind:

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,

and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

And now, some images to serve as further reminders. 

Beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror we can barely endure, and we stand in awe of it because it coolly disdains to destroy us. Every angel is terrifying. -Rainer Maria Rilke

Every time I go looking for Rilke quotes, I am blown away anew. Every sentence is beautiful. Oh, to be so gifted. The title of this post is an excerpt from this. Give it a read, and if you like it, start browsing more writings. You won't be let down.

Reminiscent of the title quote is one from The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky: "The awful thing is that beauty is mysterious as well as terrible. God and the devil are fighting there and the battlefield is the heart of man.” 

Photo copyright Anna Morosini

The Girl is Ludivine Sagnier - not sure where this originally appeared

Photo copyright Kristin Manson

Photo by Douglas Crites-Moore, edited by Adeline Crites-Moore. Copyright me, Adeline Jessica

guinevere van seenus & craig mcdean

Alexis Bledel, again...not sure where it first appeared

Swedish Dip to Die For

I just had this amazing Swedish dip/spread at my godmother's new house. It's avocados, hard boiled eggs, chopped red onion, and red caviar. OMG amazing...and so easy. Kind of like a sophisticated version of 7-layer dip.

Recipe on Chatelaine

Purple does something to me. -Charles Bukowski

Purple has always been a favorite color of mine. It's girly without being as girly as pink, and it suits my green eyes (vanity, I know). It has been historically associated with royalty because the best dyes came from tiny snail shells which were hard to find and process. Here's a more detailed history lesson courtesy of dear old wikipedia (a.k.a. "how most people pass college"): "Beginning in about 1500 BC, the citizens of Sidon and Tyre, the citizens of two cities on the coast of Ancient Phoenicia, (present day Lebanon), began to exploit a remarkable new source of purple; a sea snail called the spiny dye-murex. This deep, rich purple dye made from this snail became known as Tyrian purple, or imperial purple."

What a dress! I hate pinterest because I can't give proper credit. 

Photo by ME

So understated...and a lot of dirty bowls... recipe on Rummy Tum-Tum

Pieces of Dreams by Morna Crites-Moore

periwinkle hydrangeas - photo by ME

Oregon welcomed me like a beloved child, enfolded me in her cool arms, shushed my turbulent thoughts, and promised peace through her whispering pines. -Colleen Houck

Oregon is such an incredibly beautiful place. After it came to mind yesterday, I had to share the places that I believe are highlights of the state. Sometimes I think about moving there, but I know deep down I'm an East Coaster. But I'll always go to visit and reset my mind.

Crater Lake. Can you imagine being the men who discovered it? Photo by me, Adeline Crites-Moore

Multnomah Falls always makes my mind go quiet. (photo from pinterest, can't find the source)

Haystack Rock is a must-see destination. It just has an amazing aura. Photo from concierge.com

Rainforest Canyon- haven't made it there yet! Photo by Marc Adamus

Turquoise Dip Dye - Mildly Obsessed

I think these hairstyles are absolutely fabulous. I wish I could do them myself, but I know they wouldn't really fly at work. People just don't take you as seriously. I know it's wrong to subscribe to societal norms like that (or is it?) but you just get ahead in life if you present yourself well. People want to feel like they are dealing with a professional, not a wild child. Plus...if you stay neat and presentable, you appeal to all demographics. If you have hair like these ladies, you only appeal to a narrow slice of people. And I don't mean "appeal" in a sexual way, but just in a life way! Who would you hire in a job interview? Or as your lawyer? Or real estate agent? Yep..that's what I thought.

Magical mermaid hair! Keeping the color that rich requires a lot of re-dying though.

Now THAT's a commitment. I love how she makes it so high fashion!

Fabulous!

Subtle yet bold. Seen in the Free People catalog

A touch of royal purple for good measure

Magic exists. Who can doubt it, when there are rainbows and wildflowers, the music of the wind and the silence of the stars? -Nora Roberts

I love rainbows, and I always have. They're fun and bright and depending on how you use them they can be very youthful or even sophisticated. I remember the shock of discovering, in 4th grade, that the rainbow was the symbol of the LGBT community. It was gay pride month, and I was at Barnes & Noble with my mom, and everything was rainbow - notebooks, pencils, book covers. I think that was the first time I realized that the LGBT community isn't always treated fairly; otherwise, why would they need an awareness month? It was a good learning experience for 4th grade me.

Moving on from politics, here are some rainbow and polka dotted foods. How great would it be to have a rainbow themed brunch? Make sure you play Rainbow Girl by Giana Factory while you eat...it's an awesome kinda techno-y song that I saw a burlesque dancer perform to in Denver, CO this past summer.

cake batter chocolate chip cookies - recipe on Sally's Addiction

omg trix rice krispy treats - recipe on tasty kitchen

Polka dots AND rainbow? My brain just exploded.

Very subtle and pastel - but still rainbow-ish. Recipe on A beautiful mess

Anyone who has the patience to make all those damn layers gets a prize, IMO

As for me, I'll stick with funfetti mix from the box. With CHOCOLATE FROSTING. 

There are moments when the body is as numinous as words, days that are the good flesh continuing. Such tenderness, those afternoons and evenings, saying blackberry, blackberry, blackberry. -Robert Hass

Why are blackberries so charmingly delicious? I like them so much more than raspberries...perhaps because we have endless raspberry bushes in my woods, and while that sounds romantic, it's really quite annoying. They're prickly, they grown rampantly with no rhyme or reason, and cutting them does nothing - you have to pull them out of the ground. Blackberries, on the other hand, are a fabulous color, taste great, and don't grow in my yard. Plus, they remind me of marionberries, which remind me of my dad, because they're from Oregon and so is he. And he loves them. Hello, Blackberries? It's Raspberries....you win!

Blackberries, meet macaroons. Macaroons, meet tart. Recipe on Juls Kitchen

Ditch the usual lattice crust and let your stars shine! recipe on the kitchn

Blackberry Limeade bars, recipe at CosmoCookie

Blackberry custard pie, recipe on columbus foodie

Rather than flavored ice cream, try flavored topping! Blackberry red wine reduction, recipe on galley kitchen

I'm obsessed with caipirinhas - and they're great with the addition of blackberries. recipe on soups & souffles

Ask what time it is and wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you: "It is time to be drunk!"

Following the advice of Baudelaire, I offer you a selection of libations that go beyond the typical martini. There are so many options and combinations, from fresh herbs to home infused liquors. I think we all know it's hard to go wrong, so don't be afraid to experiment.

Blackberry Sage Mojito

Grapefruit and Thyme Fizz

Lavender Blueberry Mojito

Peaches, lemonade, vodka, and sprite

Don't forget the ice cubes!

My dad at Haystack Rock in Cannon Beach, OR

Tempura at Sasa in Walnut Creek, CA

Your journey has molded you for the greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time. 
-Asha Tyson

A blessed unrest that keeps us slowly marching...

I can't believe it has been 6 months since I've posted anything. Terrible! I used to be so good about updating frequently...but it's been slipping slowly for a while. First it was lengthy and opinionated posts, then it became just quotes from others, and then just cool pictures I'd find on the internet (isn't that what Tumblr is for! So lazy). Anyway, here's another image stolen from elsewhere (http://fuckiminmy20s.tumblr.com/) that speaks to me these days. Yes, I work all the time, but my to-do list barely gets chipped away at. More important to let yourself be happy each day though.

Despair in the Rose Garden

Taken by me in the Boston Rose Garden with Hipstamatic for iPhone app

Josh Ritter has blown my mind again

At his Daniel's Street concert in New Milford, CT, Josh played this new song, and it blew me away. I can't find any lyrics online, so I did my best to transcribe them from the live video of the preformance.

Here we go:

It's like I'm haunted by a ghost; there are times I cannot speak your name for the catching in my throat, and if I dont sing this song it's out of fear of silent notes.

Oh I feel like a miser, oh I feel low and mean for accusing you of stealing what I offered you for free. Oh it beggars the belief sometimes what thieves we lovers be

Oh i dont know who you're with these days, might be with someone new, and if you are I hope he treats you like a lover ought to do. But whoever makes you happy, it dont really matter who, I've got a new lover now, I hope youve got a lover too.

Praise the water under bridges, praise the time we...

Perhaps the fault was mine, perhaps I just ignored who you're always gonna be, instead of who I took you for. I've been treated worse it's true, still I expected more.

But I will not chase your shadow as you go from room to room, droppin' handkerchiefs and daggers, smokin' guns and other clues for what someone did with someone and who did what to who. I've got a new lover now, I hope you've got a lover too.

Got a new lover now, she knows just what I need. When I wake up in the night she can read me back my dreams, and she loves them though she never needs to tell me what they mean.

I got a new lover now, I know that she's not mine and I only wanna hold her, I don't need to read her mind, and she only looks like you when she's in a certain light.

I hope you've got a lover now, hope you've got somebody who can give you what you need like I couldn't seem to do. But if you're sad and you are lonesome and you've got nobody true, I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me happy too.

Just let it all go...

I'm not in a bad mood, but this song is rocking my mind right now.

You and I, we may look the same, but we are very far apart.
There're bullet-holes where my compassion used to be, and there is violence in my heart.

Into fire you can send us, from the fire we return.
You can label us a consequence of how much you have to learn.

You can try but you'll never understand.
This is something you will never understand.
Can you hear it now? Hear it coming now?

You have set something in motion much greater than you've ever known.
Standing there in all your grand naivety about to reap what you have sown.

Time will feed upon your weaknesses and soon you'll lose the will to care.
When you return to the place that you call home, we will be there.

-NIN

All the other girls here are stars, you are the Northern Lights

She's as easy to know as a broken mystery.
Water under the bridge is never coming back.
-Anne, Josh Ritter

I can't read it without getting tingles.

There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet; There will be time to murder and create, And time for all the works and days of hands That lift and drop a question on your plate; Time for you and time for me, And time yet for a hundred indecisions, And for a hundred visions and revisions, Before the taking of a toast and tea. Excerpt, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot

The Atlas Shrugged movie was comically bad.

People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I've learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one's reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one's master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person's view requires to be faked. | S3C2

"To judge from the notions expounded by theologians, one must conclude that God created most men simply with a view to crowding hell."
— Marquis de Sade

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. -Einstein

The other day, while driving around the poverty laced backwoods of central Connecticut and listening to Nine Inch Nails as I am wont to do, I started thinking about what makes humans so amazing. I'm not a fan of most people, and I don't think most of them are particularly impressive - both intellectually and physically. But the kind of "amazing" I decided on is applicable to pretty much everyone.

From science to philosophy, we seek an answer to the question of what sets us apart from the rest of the animals. There's a pretty fair consensus among rational and non-combative people (so, likely not most philosophers) that we have something that goes above and beyond what animals are capable of. The simple answer is, well, "Humans can think. We have bigger brains and we're capable of cognitive functioning that entails learning and memory. Most importantly, we are the only creatures that are self-aware."

The conclusion I came to in the car (the place where I am most lucid) is that humans are unique because of our ability to change. We morph, we repair, we become damaged, we despair over the past, and we hope for the future. And all these emotions are driven by our ability to alter ourselves. We choose new clothes, ditch old friends, choose to forget the most painful memories (or perhaps replay them over and over, forcing ourselves to feel the sting of self-loathing) listen to different music. No other creature engages in these behaviors.

Not only can we do all this changing, but there is some strange property in our minds that allows for change but also never lets anything quite slip away. The Nine Inch Nails song I was so enjoying, Somewhat Damaged, used to speak to exactly everything I felt about life and myself. I really felt a connection to it. Yet somehow, the other day, I was able to appreciate and love it, but the sentiments expressed no longer exist in me actively. They're still present, and I can still remember what I felt; sometimes I still feel that way, but it's just...different. I've changed! Humans can change. It's what makes us different.

Edward Gorey

Edward Gorey was such a fantastic eccentric. He went to every performance of the NYC Ballet while Allegra Kent was a dancer there, wore floor length fur coats, and kept his empty medicine bottles on the window ledges because he thought they looked pretty with the light coming through them. I guess part of my wants to be that type of nutty, although my kind is entertaining too.

A book was written about his home, The Elephant House. I met the author at Gotham Book Mart by chance, and while clearly in awe of Gorey, I don't think his book ENTIRELY captures the author's whimsy (at least as I like to imagine it).

Today's visiting demon is the realization that I must leave Alex and beautiful California today, and face the challenge of finding a job that might actually result in a career and success. Not to mention the fear of getting back my Metaphysics paper, which might be one of the more disjointed papers I've ever turned in. It's a graduate seminar and I'm out of my element.

Funeral Blues, W.H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Burnt Norton (excerpt), T.S. Eliot

Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden. My words echo
Thus, in your mind.
But to what purpose
Disturbing the dust on a bowl of rose-leaves
I do not know.

At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.
I can only say, there we have been: but I cannot say where.
And I cannot say, how long, for that is to place it in time.
The inner freedom from the practical desire,
The release from action and suffering, release from the inner
And the outer compulsion, yet surrounded
By a grace of sense, a white light still and moving,
Erhebung without motion, concentration
Without elimination, both a new world
And the old made explicit, understood
In the completion of its partial ecstasy,
The resolution of its partial horror.
Yet the enchainment of past and future
Woven in the weakness of the changing body,
Protects mankind from heaven and damnation
Which flesh cannot endure.

The Hollow Men, T.S. Eliot

Mistah Kurtz -- he dead.

         A penny for the Old Guy
    
            I
        

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

        
              II
        

Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer --

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

        
              III
        

This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

        
              IV
        

The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

        
              V
        

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow

                  For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow


                  Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow

                  For Thine is the Kingdom


For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Wanna know why you're fat?

The Brothers Karamazov

The awful thing is that beauty is mysterious as well as terrible. God and the devil are fighting there and the battlefield is the heart of man.
-Fyodor Dostoevsky

Playboy used to have the best interviews...

Do not dwell on dreams and forget to live